Logistics
As you gain experience, logistics become the most important aspect of all. Boys worry about game. Men worry about logistics. Without a logistical understanding of how you will progress from approach to the bedroom, you are flying blind. Understanding logistics is often the difference between landing the woman of your dreams and going home alone. Let's dig in.
Logistics refers to all the external factors that you can control. How do you ask for the number, what kinds of texts do you send, where do you take her for your first date, how you get her from point A to point B, what do you have in your room. It means having a plan and trusting in it. It also means reflecting on your experience and developing a style that you can comfortably enjoy.
You are not allowed to talk to girls until you go through the next two steps. Trust me on this.
#1: Where can you get her alone? What do you have there?
Whether you are looking for a one night stand or your next girlfriend, eventually you are going to have to get alone to make out and have sex. Everyone's situation is unique, but the bottom line is you must figure out WHERE you can do this in advance of the date. Obviously if you have your own place in the heart of a big city, you're in good shape, but even if you live with your parents, fear not... Where there's a horny guy, there's a way.
Get creative and really think about all the different locations you can get alone after hours. Is there an isolated beach nearby? Great, go put a couple beach towels in the trunk of you car. Do the seats of your car lay down? Great. Have keys to your office after-hours? Fan-fucking-tastic! And of course you can always try to go to her place (but then you give up a tremendous amount of logistical control, so tread carefully.)
NOTE: I'm using these as examples of creativity if you don't have a good place to take a girl. However, if you want to get good at this and start really seducing women, you're going to need to get your logistics in order. If you're not working to get into a more logistically-friendly situation, you're making your life much harder than it has to be.
As for the types of things you need in your place. Honestly, as long as you have a couch or bed, condoms, and music, TV, or a computer, you're in good shape. Everything you add beyond that can be helpful, but no need to go crazy. Adding a bottle of wine and some spirits will be the icing on the cake.
Don't overthink this stuff. Yes, massage oil, hookahs, drugs, sex swings, lube, that mural you painted in art school, and your photo collection from your trip to Peru are awesome, but they're not really helping you get laid. Keep your place clean and live in a place you are PROUD to be in. That's what is most important at the end of the day. By the time the girl comes home with you, she is more or less committed to hooking up. I've lived in a 150 square-foot studio and a $4000/month luxury apartment, and neither one helped me pull better than the other.
#2: Know your city and know your neighborhood
You need to become an expert in your city, its various attractions, bars, restaurants, date spots, etc. Remember back in Part 2 when you came up with a list of great date ideas? Yeah, go revisit that list and try harder. Discover all that's great around you. Talk up strangers and ask them for cool things to do. Be a tourist in your own city for a weekend. Love where you live.
A guy who can serve as the gatekeeper to all the wondrous sights and experiences in your city is incredibly attractive. Don't take that lightly. Most people go through life going to the same shitty restaurants and bars every week. But you aren't "most people." You are unique and better than them. Women will gravitate to you.
Now that you are starting to really know your city, you need to REALLY know your neighborhood. The more cool little spots you know within immediate distance of your home, the more logistical options you have to move women back towards your apartment.
Visit every single bar and cafe in your neighborhood. Visit every park and shopping center and see what they have to offer. Go on a walking tour next weekend. Know your neighborhood like the back of your hand.
I'll demonstrate why further down below, but more often than not, the best date location will be a random shitty dive bar down the block from your place. A lot of guys take girls to fancy dinners across town, but I would bet every dollar I have that they would have more success taking them to the closest shitty bar.
OK, are you comfortable with your logistics so far? Good, now you're ready to talk to girls again.
#3: Getting her number
By this point in the guide, you should have some experience opening and conversing with women. If not, go back to the beginning and follow the Action Items. You're doing it wrong.
I'm going to make this section really easy for you. Getting her number is as simple as saying, "We should hang out sometime. Let's exchange numbers."
No gimmicks, no routines, no pickup lines. If you've gone in with good body language, touch, and conversation, you won't need anything fancy.
That being said, it ALWAYS makes sense to attempt to do two things:
- 1) Plant the seeds for your date ahead of time. Find out what she likes. Bring up that awesome bar/art gallery/cafe/whatever that she would like that you've researched ahead of time. Adding, "Hey we should go to [INSERT VENUE] together" to your attempt to get her number will almost always increase your chances.
- 2) Throughout the course of flirting and building rapport, try to manufacture an inside joke, reference, or playful nickname. You can reference this in your text messages later on. David Wygant refers to this as "bringing her back to the moment" and it's a tried and true method.
Real-world Examples:
- A girl wouldn't give me her name upfront. I said, "Fine, if you won't tell me your name I'm just going to call you Larry." This caused her to feign offense (a common thing girls do when they are attracted to your polarizing attempts) which led to a passionate exchange. I could then text, "Yo Larry, what are you doing this weekend?" which brought her back to the moment when she felt strong attraction to me.
- I asked a girl to watch my jacket, telling her it was a matter of national security, pretending I was in the CIA. I continued this inside joke between us throughout the night. When I began texting her, I could say"Tonight's my last night before the agency reassigns me. Wanna make waffles and have a pillow fight?"
As you develop your personality and spontaneity, come up with your own teases, jokes, and nicknames. It's fun and gives every interaction its own unique essence. Oh, and put a little note referencing this next to her name in your address book.
One final tip... When you get her number, I find it powerful to throw in a "Now you're not one of those girls who flakes all the time, right?" in a somewhat accusatory tone. It implies a set boundary that you won't tolerate girls who flake on you. Firm values and boundaries are hot.
#4 Texting the girl & setting up dates
After getting the number, it's usually a good idea to send a "Did you get home safe?" text later that night. It solidifies the connection and your concern for her will make her more comfortable. If you met her during the day, or through a social function, calibrate your text accordingly.
As far as general texting goes... There are plenty of guys who text humorous notes, sexy one-liners, and get girls to open up, building attraction through dozens of text exchanges. This can be very effective, so if it works for you, that's awesome.
My stance, however, is that great men don't waste time texting inane messages all day long. The best text game is building extreme attraction before you ever get her number. That way, you can stick to texting only for scheduling real-life meetups where you can escalate physically. Do you really feel that 140 characters on a small LCD screen properly represents who you are? I certainly don't.
Here are my favorite texts to use. Feel free to use them often. They work.
- "How's your day going?" (Give her a chance to respond. Her lady parts will tingle when she gets a message from "that cool guy she met." You sexy devil you!)
- "What's your schedule like this week?" (Let her tell you when she's free. She's not dumb, she knows you're going to follow up with a plan to meet. She is basically telling you when to schedule it.)
- "Sweet. Come to [INSERT VENUE] with me. I'll be there Thursday at 8." (Hot girls HATE when men require lots of back and forth to schedule plans. Be upfront with her. She will appreciate it.)
As always, plan to calibrate to her responses and be flexible within reason. Do your job during the initial interaction and text game becomes the simplest thing in the world. No more "rules."
Dates
Plan your dates in advance with a mental map for how you're going to get her from point A to point B. Yes, that art gallery all the way across town sounds awesome (and by all means, if YOU want to go, GO!) but it's not going to be ideal for getting her to the final destination (on top of your penis.)
I always start out by suggesting a shitty bar near my place. Why near my place? Because it will make moving her there 10 times easier than if we have to drive across town. Why a shitty bar? Because then I can use my favorite line in all of seduction, "This bar kinda sucks. I have some wine at my place, let's go drink there."
Some tips for what to during the date:
- Hug her at the start, and give her a kiss if you have made out before.
- Don't even discuss who pays the bill. If you have the money, pay for the date. If you need her to chip in, start going on cheaper dates.
- If you follow my advice and do your first date at a bar, you can say, "I'll get the first round" and pay cash. This solves a lot of the cash flow issues.
- Try to sit in a corner booth or at the bar so your legs can touch. This will let you maintain strong physical contact and physically escalate.
- Sometimes, if you are feeling resistance, planning multiple venue changes throughout the night will work in your favor. (Bar A -> Bar B -> Walk on the beach -> Your apartment)
- Every thirty minutes or so, try to point out what you like about your date. All women want to feel desired and wanted. Let her know why you desire her!
- If you're not 21, or don't set foot in bars, a cafe or a walk on the beach is almost as good.
- ALWAYS BE ESCALATING! (More on this in the next chapter)
You must have a plausible reason for why you're bringing her back to your place. Yes, you both kinda-sorta know it's for sex, but that's not how it works in the real world. Even if it's just to drink that wine, or check out that new Youtube video, or show her your stamp collection, you need to plan this ahead of time. Experience certainly pays dividends here, but the truth is, as long you have done a good job generating attraction thus far, you'll be fine.
Expect her to offer some resistance when you try to bring her home. Throwing out a "I don't sleep with someone on the first date." or "No sex, okay?" will do wonders. It all helps to generate plausible deniability. If it just happened while we were in the moment she will feel much more comfortable knowing she fooled around with you. No girl wants to feel like a slut. It's your job, as the man, to make her as comfortable as possible. Also when you start to fool around, "I don't kiss and tell." goes a long, long way.
Action Items
1) Follow parts 1 & 2 above to the letter. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 until you do this. This is one of the most important things you'll ever do for your love life.
2) Get out your notebook. Write out 30, 60, and 90 day plans for how you are going to improve your logistical situation. Repeat until you are happy with your situation (aka no longer living with your mom.)
2) Go out with the goal of getting phone numbers. Follow the advice above and try for 10 numbers. Then 20. Then 30. You need to gain experience with a variety of women. There is no way to gain this other than brute force.
3) Text the numbers you receive and try to set up first dates. Try to schedule 5-10.
4) During these dates, try to work on changing locations. First to another neutral venue, then to your home. (THIS IS IMPORTANT: Your goal is merely to get her to come home with you, don't even worry about sex. This subtle change in mindset has proven very effective for me. Sex is a natural by-product of the process.)
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